I’ll try not to knock on the glass, but sometimes I just can’t help myself.

This all sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s all I’ve got. In a day-to-day way, there’s not a whole lot of evidence of anyone around me ever having a hard time. And it’s like that everywhere, isn’t it? As the new person. If you’re new at the office, the store, or wherever; things are so relative and when everyone around you makes everything look so easy, you start to feel like maybe you missed a really essential limited-release OS update and now everyone else is optimal while you’re left with yesterday’s lag.

I know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this.
I know I’m not the only one in the office who’s felt like this.
But it sure feels like it.

What’s worse is that I don’t feel like I’m MAKING anything. Sure, I’m helping to create websites and products which aid in website development, but what’s the point? Everything we make will be moot or outdated in a few months, a few years at most, and then what? Then we re-make it? There’s an urgency in this industry that asks us to always out-do ourselves. To stay on top of what’s hot, what’s new, what’s what.

So on Friday, when I had decided to quit—had decided to give up gracefully my internship, take out a fat loan for school and take it easy for a while, I felt so justified. I said to myself, I said, “you’ll work at the Gothic; get a book or coffee shop job and just hush up.” And I would, I’m sure. I’m certainly not incapable. And, more importantly, I’m 22 years old.

For crying out loud, life is too short to fold fitted sheets or make toast or use spoons or napkins and it’s absolutely too short to waste toiling away in a career I have no passion for.

Life is too short.
Too short to do that.

With more time, I could volunteer at the Emily Griffith Opportunity School, like I wanted to. I could try to get my photography to a place where folks would pay me for it.

I guess?
I don’t know.

I do know that should I ever lose faith in myself I know well that I’ll find it again in the folks around me. I am a lucky girl. I am surrounded by support and loved by so many unconditional persons I feel myself unable to completely slip away into a pudding-fed hermit misery. Through the mouths of many folks, I was told that I shouldn’t stay anywhere if I find myself chronically unhappy and that I’m smart enough to find something else to occupy my hands and feed my bank account. No doubt.

So what’s to do?

Well, I thought about it.
I thought about it a whole lot.
And I’ve decided that, while I don’t particularly care for this job, this will my last week of having to work full time and maybe school will be the break I need between days. I’ll speak with my boss tomorrow about hours and expectations and see if I can’t calm my nervous heart that way.

Here goes nothing, amirite?

Mullets, tank tops, whiskey and mosh pits, oh yes.

→ Next Friday vs This Friday
To a lot of people, when referring to days of the week, ‘Next’ and ‘This’ are basically synonymous. For example, if it is Monday and you say “let’s meet next Friday” or “let’s meet this Friday” you mean the one in four days.

In LOGICAL LAND where people say things that AREN’T CONFUSING, things make more sense: if on Monday you say, “let’s meet this Friday,” you mean the one in four days, however, if you say “let’s meet next Friday,” you mean the one in eleven days.